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Friends – are they really there for you?

Humans are one of the species which have the capability to stay alone but still we tend to feel nice when we have someone with us. The habitat of other species is made in a way that they are supposed to be together for survival hence they will always be found in groups or herd; irrespective of their size. But humans have the ability to do things alone, survive alone; still we like to be in groups, have associations in terms of family, friends, acquaintances, peers etc. And such associations often dominate us at various levels.

Friends - are they really there for you

Often people who are eligible for immigration and willing to do the formalities of visa application take back their immigration decision. When asked the reason for same, a typical answer is, “I have a friend in Australia who has same profile as me, he told me there are no jobs for our domains there”. Okay, this seems to be a reasonable answer to me maximum number of times so I always dare to continue such communications and understand what people do when there are no jobs. My next question by default is, “when is your friend returning to India then?”. I always expect, “he is already back” or “within 2 months” as an answer, but I always receive,”why madam, why will he come back? He is not coming back” as a reply. With this response I am always startled and sarcasm; no matter how much I try to avoid it, is the only way how I can respond then. So very ‘subtly’ I ask again, “you said there are no jobs in Australia for your profile and looks like your friend holds a similar profile like you. If there are no jobs, how is he surviving there? I mean you will not even live in a city in your own country which doesn’t have relevant jobs for you and you will switch to a more developed city with more opportunities; how your friend is living there with no provision to meet his expenses?”. A long pause and a sweet smile is the best response which I get for these questions.

It is difficult to believe and more difficult to accept but the truth is all of us tend to add on baggage as & when we grow in life. This baggage can be personal, professional or in any form. So every one’s baggage is relevant for them. Like for you immigration is relevant right now, for your friend fearing from the fact that he/she might have to take care of you while you immigrate in that country becomes a baggage and is pretty much relevant for him/her. It’s not that your friend doesn’t like you now or he/she is not happy with your success, the only thing is the baggage involved is more heavier than the happiness of your success. In such situations, it is very typical for people to say negative things about the job market or not recommend the country just to ensure the ‘friend’ doesn’t become a ‘dependent’. Hey do not judge the person, it’s just he/she had done their part of struggle in the country, put in all efforts, did everything possible and due to those efforts he/she is able to make a mark in the country today; may be now is the time to live peacefully rather than again taking the same hassles for anyone.

The above might sound very negative or some might compare that ‘no it is not applicable for me’, I’m not stereotyping here, it’s just a very common scenario and even if we deny, it is still relevant. It’s like an open nerve, no matter how much it pains, it is still there. The only thing a wise & smart person can do is, not let that hamper his/her future. People fail to make big not because they could not but because they waited for somebody to help them do that. And when a person decides to move abroad, it is very common to keep on looking similar or known faces in the crowd of foreign country and if we can’t find any, we just discard the whole idea of immigration. So if you are somebody who is holding yourself from your overseas opportunity just because you can’t find a similar face or your similar face is not supporting you; sit in a corner for an hour and analyse do you really need somebody to help you? Honestly speaking people who made it big abroad, they didn’t have anybody and they didn’t need anyone either!

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